Connectors: “These people who link us up with the world, who bridge Omaha and Sharon, who introduce us to our social circles – these people on whom we rely on more heavily than we realize – are Connectors, people with a very special gift of bringing people together.”

Mavens: “A Maven is a person who has information on a lot of different products or prices or places. This person likes to initiate discussions with consumers and respond to requests … they like to be helpers in the marketplace. They distribute coupons. They take you shopping. They go shopping for you … This is the person who connects people to the marketplace and has the inside scoop on the marketplace.”

Salespeople: “Mavens are data banks. They provide the message. Connectors are social glue: they spread it. But there is also a select group of people – Salesmen – with the skills to persuade us when we are unconvinced of what we are hearing, and they are as critical to the tipping of word-of-mouth epidemics as the other two groups.”

On my JibberJobber blog I’ve been talking about networking and whether or not it works. You can see some passionate discussion here, at Networking Doesn’t Work (part II) – agree?

In thinking about these two posts, perhaps networking isn’t working because you aren’t networking with the right type of person… ?

Can you list 10 or 20 people you’ve networked with and categorize them as a connector, a maven or a salesperson?

If no one you are networking with falls into those categories, what categories do they fall into?

A taker? A leach?  A downer?

I wonder… are we (you and I) networking with THE WRONG PEOPLE?

It can come up in a number of different scenerios, and your response can be great or it can be the end of the relationship.

I don’t want a novel, I don’t want something irrelevant, I want something that draws me in.  I want something that is thoughtful and makes me think “I’m talking to the right person!” as I’m listening.

Recently Brad Attig, the retail career specialist, wrote a post linking to Scott Ginsberg’s The Ladders article.  Scott suggests 10 good ways to “tell me about yourself,” including:

#4 “People who know me best say that I’m…” This response offers insight into your own level of self-awareness.

#6 “My passion is…” People don’t care what you do – people care who you are. And what you’re passionate about is who you are. Plus, passion unearths enthusiasm..

Scott goes on to say:

The secret is thinking how you will follow up each answer with relevant, interesting and concise explanations that make the already bored interviewer look up from his stale coffee and think, “Wow! That’s the best answer I’ve heard all day!”

I agree… I also think the other secret is to get them to think “tell me more! This sounds really interesting!”

They might not want you to tell them more right then, but the impression you want to leave is “I’m the person you are looking for,” instead of “I’m boring,” or “I’m conceited,” or something like that.

How do YOU answer “tell me about yourself?”  If your answer is “I don’t know” then you have a lot of work to do!

That’s right… out of the blue, pick up the phone and have a real conversation.

You could say something like:

I was just thinking of you and wanted to see how your job search was going. Is there anything I can do?

You might not get far, so here are some other questions:

• Is there anyone you are trying to network into?
• Are there any companies you are trying to network into?
• What industries are you targeting?
• Can you have lunch next week with me?
• What networking events are you going to?
• I have a friend who just got laid off, do you think you can share some ideas and tips with him?

Job seekers need help but many times they are at a point where they don’t want to call you and ask you for help (they might not know how to ask for help).  So why don’t you extend a helping hand to them?

Even if you don’t help them land a job, the mere effort and interest you show can change their day 1000%.

Can you help me?

Seriously, can you give me a hand?

Actually, what I really want is an introduction.

Any introduction will do.  Oh wait, how about an introduction to that really, really big company.

Please?

No?  WHY NOT????

I see this ALL THE TIME.  Here’s an example, from a LinkedIn Group:

I can’t help this person.

Even though I immediately thought about my contacts at Costco… there is no way I can help.  Is he looking for someone to get a food in, or a book, or a job, or a … ???

Beyond that, I don’t even know this person.

IF you ask for help (and you should), here are some things to consider:

1. I might help you if I know what I’m helping for (and can feel comfortable with that)… I want to feel comfortable with the introduction I’m doing and not just throw mud on the wall.
2. I might help you if I am comfortable recommending you.  I have to know something about you, and your character. I don’t want to risk my relationships for someone I don’t know.

Communicate those two points and I bet you’ll have more success when you ask for leads and introductions.

The spew was unfounded and I wondered if this person should have been on medication for some personality disorder.

There was no reason to continue a relationship and so I haven’t tried to reach out to make amends and try and move forward.

The truth is, I’ve had enough of my own issues since I started my own company.  I deal with a lot of things and think about a circus performer who has a lot of plates spinning in the air – I’m responsible for making sure those plates stay spinning, which is a lot of work!

I really can’t take the time it requires to work on bad relationships, especially if the other person has no intention of helping make it better.

As a job seeker you have a lot of plates spinning, too.  I know you’ll run into a lot of negative stuff.  You have to determine if it is constructive criticism that you should learn from, and shape your future actions, or if it just negative spew that you should ignore.  Not easy to differentiate, sometimes, especially when emotions are hot, but figure this out and then you have two options:

1. Change. If the criticism has hints of truth, or truck-loads of truth, figure out how it can make you a better person. I know it’s not fun to get criticism but separate the emotions and denial from the opportunity to become better.  It doesn’t mean you have to like the person, or be BFFs again, but you shouldn’t run away from the opportunity to improve.
2. Ignore. If it was just plain hurtful and not constructive or without reason, move on.  Move away.  Don’t email, call or communicate with the person anymore.  There are other people out there and you shouldn’t surround yourself with all the junk, especially in a time that is so trying and emotional for you (aka, the job search).

I remember another time I was in a situation with someone working on a project that was just not going well.  In the end, things had soured considerably. I remember being criticized for a number of things I thought were not justified and I sat there thinking how rotten it was to be on that end of the table.  It reminded me of being in a hostile work environment… there was a huge difference, though:

In the hostile work environment I was somewhat trapped.  I know you are never really trapped, but they had control over a lot of things I liked (salary, benefits, etc.).

In the other project I was not beholden to the other person at all.

I was pushed out of my job environment, but I voluntarily walked away from the other project (at the right time).

Both situations were liberating. The lesson I learned was this: when you are on your own you do not have to sit and take it like you may have it you were dealing with an employer.

Move on, don’t look back, and make forward progress!  You deserve it!

The posts (I wish I could find them again) talked about two different aspects:

1. Doing the easy parts of networking while avoiding the hard (and important) parts, and
2. Neglecting other things that you should be doing in a job search.

As a job seeker you can spend a lot of time networking.  I remember when I finally “got it” (after reading Never Eat Alone) I loved networking. I wanted to do it all day… where was the next event I could go to?

It was a bright spot in my job search.  I wasn’t focused on myself or my woes or the scariness of not knowing when my income would start again.  As a networker I was focused on helping people.

I was an unselfish networker.  That’s how we’re supposed to be, right?

STOP. Read this post by Scott Allen: It’s Time to Practice a Little Selfish Networking.  This is brilliant.

Now, what do you think?  What is networking?  This is a reality check of sorts… networking without a purpose is like hanging out.  And the purpose should serve you well… not just serve others.

Combining this with my first point above, make sure that you are not just giving and introducing, but that you are following up with the contacts that you make (that’s hard) and that you are working on deeper relationships with them, not just leaving it at a superficial level (that’s hard, too!).

Do that hard part of networking or else you are just spinning your wheels.

The other point, #2, is that there are other things to do in a job search.  You MUST have the right tools in place, and you MUST take care of other things (clothing, your elevator pitches, etc.).  It’s not all about going out to network.

In my business there are easy things and things I enjoy, but I can’t neglect the things I don’t enjoy.  Perhaps it would help you to develop a 7 Habits quadrant and list the things that are URGENT and the things that are IMPORTANT.  Make sure you get to the IMPORTANT things… or else you’ll be running around putting fires out too often.

Are you memorable for the right reasons, or are you memorable in a way that will (a) not get you hired but (b) be part of stories/examples (like this post)?

The people who I interviewed were memorable because they:

Wore a suit. Now, this was GOOD.  But the reason he was memorable was because he was the only one who wore a suit.  I was really surprised that no one else dressed in what I thought was common interview attire.

Had BIG hair, chewed gum the entire time and talked like George W.  Oh yeah, and a short miniskirt… Any of these three things could have made this lady memorable but all three made her extra memorable.  The gum thing was disrepectful and should be in any interview 101 book, but people don’t think they really have to even say it, right?  The George W. language… it wasn’t the best English, and that was a concern.  We weren’t ranching, I was looking for someone to represent the IT team to my company clients.  The big hair and the short skirt weren’t a big deal (however, the skirt was not appropriate for that interview), definitely not show stoppers, but the bottom line was that I didn’t trust this person to represent my organization to my customers.

Could do EVERYTHING. One guy has a resume with over 20 programming languages in the skills section.  He was a sophomore or junior in college.  Maybe this guy really did have proficiency in 20+ languages, but I could barely do one or two and I really questioned his proficiency in 20 languages. My thought?  Just because he read an article on a language didn’t mean he could put it on his resume.  He failed to help me understand that he had proficiency in any language, much less 20.

Could do NOTHING. One foreign exchange student with very poor English skills showed up because a professor told her to get an internship, and this would be a good one.  The problem was that she had ZERO experience with anything to do with computers… and this was for an IT role.  To her credit, she was very candid about having NO experience, not trying to make anything up.  But there was no way I could hire someone at that level.  Why was she there?  I really don’t know.

Looked like he fit the part “to a T.” And then there was that guy that had everything… everthing.  He looked good, dressed good, sounded good, had all the right answers.  I thought “this is the guy who can represent us well. This is the guy I want on my team. (I ended up hiring him, but he didn’t last.  Looking good was not a key success factor… I should have dug deeper and really challenged his abilities. )

I could go on and on. Anyone who interviews people could tell you about past interviewees… because they were memorable – some for good reasons, some for bad reasons.

My statement to you is: YOU WILL LIKELY BE MEMORABLE.

My question to you is: Will it be for good reasons or bad reasons?

But when I am at the conference I am not particularly inclined to… network.  Sound weird?

Maybe its because I’m more of an online networker…. ?  Maybe I’m an introvert? Who knows why… but networking doesn’t necessarily come easy to me.

It doesn’t come easy to most people… that’s why there are some pretty popular books on the subject.

Here’s a post that Thom Singer wrote about networking.  His 10 points on networking at a multi-day conference, with my thoughts, are:

Have a plan. Yes, totally agree.  Going into a networking event without a plan will leave you with warm fuzzies, perhaps, but not much achieved.

Bring plenty of business cards. Kind of… I bring them but I rarely hand out more than 4 or 5.  The only exception is that when people see my card they want it (it is quite creative)… so they get it for the novelty… but in reality most people don’t need it – they can google me or go to my main sites to find my contact info.

Do not focus on meeting celebrity speakers. Absolutely, totally agree.  Celebrity speakers usually don’t have the mental bandwidth to do their presentation and then do any more than shake your hand and smile.  They aren’t necessarily going to follow-up with you because they are “on their game,” and their brain is winding down.  Don’t worry about them at the event… try and engage with others.  (luckily I’m not a celebrity speaker and I LOVE when people talk to me after the presentation ).

Talk to people sitting next to you. Yes, definitely.  It can be awkward, but it can be more awkward to not do this.

Ask questions of people you meet. This is networking 101 – ask them questions to help create conversation.  Perhaps a better way of saying this is BE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN PEOPLE YOU ARE TALKING TO.

Put your technology away. I have a hard time doing this but recently have tried it… I leave my laptop at home, or in the bag…. this has made a 1,000% difference.  Not distracted by email (outside conversations) and not having the appearance of HIDING behind my screen has allowed me to be more approachable, as well as be more intent on talking to others.

Read their stuff. He’s talking about their blog, etc. I don’t necessarily agree only because I’m too busy to read most blogs (even mine).  And, we’re all “too busy,” right?

Introduce others. This is a terrific tactic.  Try it the next time you are somewhere… as you do this more and more you’ll become a “power connector” (Keith Ferrazzi term)… it puts you in a position of power of authority because you get to the point where you seemingly know everyone.

Follow up. Ferrazzi wrote a post that said if you want to be better than 95% of your “competition,” simply follow up. That means for every 20 people I meet I should expect ONE thank you note, or email?  YOU should be that one!  Here’s my post on that: Keith Ferrazzi: How to be better than 95% of your competition

Do more than others expect from you. This is his 11th point in the list of 10 (clever, eh?).  This is more outside of the event than while you are at the event, but the point is, get beyond superficial.  Be thoughtful, kind, giving, etc.  Take that relationship somewhere.

(original post here) We all have to work at networking, even the “networking gurus,” but just because it is hard doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

Today, Friday, figure out what leads you have out there, who you have contacted in the last 6 months, who who you should send a quick, simple email to, just to follow-up.

It’s easy to do, and it’s easy to skip, but I challenge you to carve out the time to do it.  It can help you know if the relationship is going to go forward, or if it is stalled.  It will put you on their mind again (people get busy).

That’s it – quit reading blogs for the day and FOLLOW-UP with your network!

1. The user.
2. The pessimist.
3. The big talker.
4. The self-promoter.
5. The social climber.

I’m sure you can come up with your own list of types of people you can’t stand to network with.  If you hate “networking,” perhaps it is because you are networking with the wrong people.

Can I share a secret I learned in my job search?

Network is (can be) FUN!

Once I figured out what networking was, how to do it and why to do it, I started to become genuinely interested in helping others.  And that was fun.  It was fulfilling.  And my job search changed.

When my job search changed, my attitude changed.  When my attitude changed, I saw more good stuff (people would introduce me to their network contacts…. no one wants to make an introduction to someone who is too down).

How is networking for you?  Have you figured out how to have fun while networking?